New Zodiac Signs 2011: A Recap of the Changes for Dummies

Ophiuchus is a large constellation located around the celestial equator. Its name is Greek (Ὀφιοῦχος) for 'serpent-bearer', and it is commonly represented as a man grasping the snake that is represented by the constellation Serpens. Ophiuchus was one of the 48 constellations listed by the second-century astronomer Ptolemy, and it remains one of the 88 modern constellations. It was formerly referred to as Serpentarius English pronunciation: /ˌsɜrpənˈtɛəriəs/, a Latin word meaning the same as its current name.
images12 New Zodiac Signs 2011: A Recap of the Changes for Dummies
Say hello to your new little friend

If you woke up this morning feeling different, you weren’t alone. However, if you’re more familiar with the stars in Us Weekly than the ones in the sky, then you probably didn’t realize that you and millions of people actually felt different because many of you now fall under a new Zodiac sign. There hasn’t been a change this monumental since the Gap altered their logo, and we all know how well that turned out. Hang tough.

The axis of the Earth changes as it wobbles, and thousands of years after the signs of the stars were first determined, they’re no longer aligned, mostly because the North Star is pointing in a different direction (or something super complicated like that, which is better left for people way smarter than myself to explain explain). We’re off a constellation, basically. And there’s one called Ophiuchus that has been around for eons and is finally getting its due. Don’t ask why or how — just go with it.

So, here’s the new Zodiac cheat sheet:

Capricorn is now January 20 to February 16
Aquarius is now February 16 to March 11
Pices is now March 11 to April 18
Aries is now April 18 to May 13
Taurus is now May 13 to June 21
Gemini is now June 21 to July 20
Cancer is now July 20 to August 10
Leo is now August 10 to September 16
Virgo is now September 16 to October 30
Libra is now October 30 to November 23
Scorpio is now November 23 to November 29
Ophiuchus is making its debut from November 29 to December 17
Sagittarius is now December 17 to January 20

See if your kid can do the math and figure out how, exactly, 13 signs are taking up the space previously held by 12. I would do it myself, but I was told there wouldn’t be math on this. After that, try explaining to your kid what exactly happened in the sky, see if they can actually pronounce Ophiuchus (if they can, have them call and tell me, because I haven’t a clue), and then see if they care about any of this. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

And when you read your horoscope in tomorrow’s newspaper, don’t forget to look for your new sign (and try not to read the prediction for your old sign so you can avoid reminiscing about how good it used to be under the old set of stars). If the old horoscope seems better than the new one, don’t despair — just remember that the chances are good that you’ll forget what you read as soon as you move on to the Garfield comic or the Sudoku puzzle anyway.

The bottom line is this: How much do you really care about the new signs, and how much are reading about it just because you know it’ll soon be a new category on Jeopardy and you want to impress your kids with your dime store knowledge?